i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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