and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize