one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
