hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We got so high we made milksteak
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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