i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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