you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
