Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize