Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
