So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
