I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
