and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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