Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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