I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
