my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
