Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
