So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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