curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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