i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
