my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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