i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
