Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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