He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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