Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
