she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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