You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize