like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
