Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
