i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
