I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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