Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
