You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
