When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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