I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
and you fell through a lawn chair
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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