Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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