So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
