i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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