these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
