i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
