He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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