remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
