All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
