please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
