What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're so nebulous sometimes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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