I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
