I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
