you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
