I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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