shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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