You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
