I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
