I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
