haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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