Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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