Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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