he told me I talked like a deaf person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
