Cold hands, warm shart.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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