I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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