toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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