When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ketchup is God's man juice
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
