Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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