all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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