Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
