Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
