Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
