Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
