Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
