you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
