How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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