guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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