I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I look better un-naked...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
