i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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