just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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