Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
